"The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around."

"The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever."

"I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there."

"Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angles to San Francisco live there?"

"The trouble with Oakland is that when you get there, it's there."

"All American cars are basically Chevrolets."

"Children begin by loving their parents. As they grow older, they judge them. Sometimes they forgive them."

"Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry."

"My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?"

"If I must choose between righteousness and peace, I choose righteousness."

"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program."

"Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good."